Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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