What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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