I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
