Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your cock deserves a montage
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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