1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
