I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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