how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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