How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
this hospital has no fireball
i think my cat just said my name.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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