It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
