So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
