When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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