So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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