I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
