Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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