I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
