All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
