I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
