My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
