If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
