Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
