I faked an abortion last night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
