She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
