You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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