Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
