I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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