just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
