I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
