So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
