Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
