I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
