she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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