I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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