How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
