Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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