Jerry, you need to find god
she woke up with a sticky ear
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
