The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize