you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
