i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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