at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
