Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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