and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
