I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
