the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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