Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
