I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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