i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
