Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
