that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He felt like a one man threesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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