walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
