it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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