Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
