i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
FUCK WHALES
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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