I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
