i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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