My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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