i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm gonna fight the coyote
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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