Who did Billy Mays play for?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
