And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
