So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
