first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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