How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We need to get me chipped asap
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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