I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
