I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
