White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm always down for nudity.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
