she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
