Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
