you win again, gameday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
