shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
