i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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