I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So much rum. So many feels.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
