you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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