im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
