Who wears a wallet chain?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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