you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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