Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize